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LinkedIn Live: Rise Up with Emma BF & Rachel Murray

Emma BF and Rachel Murray LinkedIn Live header

On August 11, 2022, Rachel Murray and Emma B-F caught up to discuss all things Rise Up and how we can support each other in ways that are truly meaningful. Follow us on LinkedIn for more interviews and conversations with brilliant folks like Emma B-F! 

Rachel Murray: Hello, hello, hello, LinkedIn world. Hello, hello, hello, Emma B.F., my friend, my colleague, my person. I am Rachel Murray. I'm co-founder, co-CEO of She Geeks Out. If you want to learn about us, if you don't know about us, just head over to shegeeksout.com or check out this whole LinkedIn page. We post a lot of things all the time, so you can learn more about us that way. Today, we have a wonderful, as I mentioned, I said, Emma B.F. is joining us for a wonderful con conversation, all around leadership, leveling up, rising up in your career. We're going to kind of get into some things. So I'm just going to, first of all, Emma, just hi.

Emma B.F: Hi. Hi, LinkedIn world. Hello every lovely human who has chosen to take the time out of your day to listen to us and more importantly to choose yourself because I know this is true for me, anytime I make space to listen to a podcast or tune into a conversation, not because somebody else tells me it's what I should do, but because it's truly what I want to do, it feels like I fill up my cup, my soul, my heart. And so I know you probably feel this way too, Rachel, we're honored for anybody who's tuning in right now.

Rachel Murray: Because there's only a billion bits of information. I keep trying to find the end of the internet and it doesn't...

Emma B.F: That's why shout out to LinkedIn for finally cutting the infinite scroll because that happened to me last night, I was scrolling. I was scrolling and then it stopped. And I was like, I am so grateful to whichever product designer approved this feature then.

Rachel Murray: I love that. I had no idea that was even a thing. Yay, LinkedIn.

Emma B.F: Or it could have been that my internet was out of cahoots and then the page just stopped loading.

Rachel Murray: Either way it's a win, either way it's a win. Emma, obviously we've talked before many a time and we are so fortunate to partner with you on the Rise Up program. And I encourage people to take a look at that and we've got a new cohort opening up this fall, which I'm super excited about. But let's just talk about what you've been up to over the past few months since last time we spoke, what's been going on?

Emma B.F: Sounds good. Well and hello to everybody who I haven't met. So my name is Emma B.F. I have a very long last name, the full cahoona is [inaudible 00:02:34]. And that was before I even got married. I am a leadership coach for women in tech and the creator and trainer for Rise Up. We've been blessed to partner with She Geeks Out over our last two cohorts. And those launched in January, ended in March. We had another cohort that started in March and ended just last month. And something that's been so fun that has happened this summer for me is I've been getting back into in conferences.

And in addition to that, we have had Rise Up alum who have submitted themselves to be speakers for those conferences, gotten selected and then I've worked with them one-on-one in a speaking coach capacity to support them to set up their talk, to deliver their talk, to get feedback on their talk, to blow them up on the internet about their talk. And so when I think about the journey of somebody who starts in Rise Up and comes in and is like, "You know what? I know I want to speak up, I know I want to share more, but I'm freaking terrified to do it. And what I hear often, Rach, is like, "I have no idea what I would talk about."

And so to see these women, these leaders, these folks start from there to then speak at conferences for the first time and then be invited to speak at other conferences, I'm just in the back of that room being like, "This is why we do this work and this is the power of this work." So I've been back in person with conferences, luckily staying safe, luckily staying healthy and taking time to vacation. I just took my first trip ever to South Korea. My first trip to Asia, the food was unbelievable. And now I'm sitting back here in New Hampshire being like, so the food here is pretty bland, you all. I don't know if we can be honest about this, but it's pretty bland. So I'm going through spice withdrawal.

Rachel Murray: Just get the spices, get the sauces and the spices.

Emma B.F: I know.

Rachel Murray: Well, thank you for sharing. Makes me think about like 10 different things, but one thing that I wanted to talk about, which is perfect from what you just shared around the public speaking and doing that work, which is for many of us terrifying, I certainly have my own issues with it as we have discussed many a time as well. I wanted to pair that with that idea of leadership because you talk a lot about stepping into leadership, being a leader. And I think a lot of times we, I think a lot of women, women identifying folk get nervous around that concept of leadership. We think that means that you have to be the president of a company or of a country or whatever, like you have to be like that and that's what a leader is. Can you just talk a little bit more about why you chose that word and what it means for you and for the folks that are doing these programs?

Emma B.F: Yeah, 100%. And it's so funny, because I talk about leadership often and I don't often speak about what it means to me. So thank you. And for me, leadership is two parts and they form together almost like a Venn diagram.

So one side of it is your external perception. And I think these are the types of things that people often think about. "Well, I have to have a C-suite title to be a leader or a VP level to be a leader, or I have to be a manager to be a leader." Guess what? All of those is total BS, it's not true. It doesn't mean that those folks aren't leaders, but it's an and. It's those external, how are you showing up, being perceived and how are people interacting with you in your leadership? Which to me really means the internal work, which is you are operating from a place of groundedness, confidence and authenticity.

So well, let me just speak about one of my clients, one of the women who's gone through Rise Up. She for a long time was vegan and decided to start a vegan blog, but it was all about Southern cooking because she's a woman from the south, she knows how to make good Southern food and she felt like there wasn't good Southern food for vegans. So she started her own blog, she created her own recipes and she put it out there and she didn't do a ton of exposure work with it. But to me, I was like, "Girl, you're a leader because there's something that you care about and you want other people to know and to learn from you, that's it."

We put so much pressure on ourselves to show up as a leader and to wear the power blazer and do the power pose and have the title and the accolade and all that stuff. And honestly, I truly believe that's a part of a system of oppression to make you believe that if you don't have those external results, then internally you don't feel like a leader. And that's what this one woman who I love working with and she spoke on a panel that I presented at this live conference and she shared how she did not believe she was a leader because she did not have the "traditional leadership titles", but through her own inner work, she started to get clear on, what are her strengths? What does she care about? What could she talk about with ease? And then we focused on creating opportunities for her to speak about those topics so that it feels less scary, so that it feels less pressure ridden she gets to be herself.

So again, that groundedness, that confidence and that authenticity are all components of what it means to be a leader. And the best part, Rach, is like, I'm not tied to one definition of leadership. Every single person I work with gets to create their own definition of leadership so that it's their own and I am simply here as a facilitator and a coach to help open up and expand what leadership can mean to you.

Rachel Murray: Well, that is a perfect segue to my next question, which is something that we just talked about is like, where's the how-to guide for leadership?

Emma B.F: Okay. So Rachel knows a little bit of background on this, but I have gotten feedback from clients in the past being like, "Emma, I love the work you do. I've grown so much. And sometimes I wish there was more of a step by step process to get there. I want to a how-to guide, I want to a script." And I'll be honest, I do not believe that is the path to leadership because in my experience, when I have had scripts and when I have ha had how-to guides it's created so that I show up more as a White male executive. And so when I tell those scripts, yes, sure, I've gotten more raises, I've gotten promotions, but at the end of the day, I didn't feel like me.

And so instead what I want to invite people to think about is, why do you feel like you have to have a how-to guide? And what's underneath that? Because the truth is I have worked with clients who do not speak with "the assertiveness" that the leadership development space invites people to say is just be assertive, be clear, be confident. I've had women show up with softness and tenderness and fear and conversations and still gotten what they want.

So I don't preach and I do not coach how-to guides because I truly believe that they are part of the problem when it comes to leadership development. And instead, what I coach on is, who do you want to be as a leader? What does confidence look like to you? What does authenticity feel like? What does clarity look like and sound like for you, for you Rachel, for woman who goes through Rise Up, through anybody I work with? So that we can redefine what it means to be a leader. And then from that place, we can create how-to guides. Once we get there, you all, we're here for all the how-to guides. And also to say that there are clear action steps, there is a clear process. This is a tried and true process. We've had eight cohorts go through it successfully and it works.

Rachel Murray: Yeah. And I think it's important too, it's not like and I've seen a bunch of it so I know it's not just sort of like people go and you're like, "Okay, what are your questions?" That's different. This is much more structured. But I think one thing that I think is really cool is that you do do a couple of things that I think are relevant to this. So one is the work that you do around pushing people a little bit out of their comfort zone, but in a non scary kind of way. And maybe you can talk a little bit about that and you know me, I'm such a fan of the somatic breath work type more physical things that you do because we've talked about this. I think for so many of us, it's so easy to just be disconnected from our bodies, especially because we're still mostly floating heads in the screen.

Emma B.F: Hello, are you real?

Rachel Murray: I don't know, I think I'm in the matrix to be honest, but that's a whole other LinkedIn live. But yeah, I would just love for you to talk a little bit about that if that's all right.

Emma B.F: Thank you, yeah. And I think that's really what makes this program different is that what we do every single week is experiential learning. So the beauty of this program is you get kind of the more traditional learning modules with online videos and personalized worksheets that feel more familiar and are more kind of how to steps one through six. And then when you come into, we have weekly group coaching calls, they're 75 minutes, they're super rich and you get to actually practice these leadership skills. You get to practice-

Rachel Murray: Terrifying.

Emma B.F: Terrifying. How to have hard conversations, how to public speak, how to create influence, how to present. And so by having those spaces and that live coaching container, that's where we can tap into some of these tools that people will call woo woo, people will call alternate, but at the end of the day, that's what's working. And that's what's working for women in particular and women identifying folks because we are conditioned from day one to be outside of our bodies and to judge ourselves and to hurt ourselves and to not take care of ourselves.

And so through this process, everything is through the lens of career, everything is talking about how to show up at work, how to step into leadership, how to get your raise, your promotion, all that stuff. And the ripple effect is so much bigger. I mean, I had one woman who came into the final call of Rise Up where we have, as you know an incredible celebration party, it's amazing. And she came in and she shared that her daughter, who I think at the time was like 10, came up to her and reflected back to her and said, "Mom, I see you showing up differently and so I'm showing up differently."

Rachel Murray: That's wild.

Emma B.F: Like, what? That's the true power of this work. I've seen women take the first vacations of in the last four years during Rise Up because they've realized that they weren't taking care of themselves, they weren't putting themselves first. And one of them took one of our coaching calls from Hawaii, one of them is moving to Portugal. These are the kinds of results I'm excited about. I'm here for the money, I'm here for the raises and I'm here for true transformation in your life.

Rachel Murray: Yeah, I think it's so important. And as we are now entering another weird phase of the world there's a lot of fear, a lot of concern around there's they're calling from the Great Resignation to the Great Regret so people being like, "Oh my goodness, I thought I could do the things, but then maybe I shouldn't do the things," I got to get back into nice little safe little bubble that I've been really comfortable with." And I'm just wondering, with fears of recession and all this is, have you been seeing any sort of shifts from the folks that you talk with around that energy and how would you address that?

Emma B.F: Yeah. I mean, there's no reaction that is wrong. It is so normal to be in fear and doubt right now. In our Rise Up groups, we keep our Slack groups going and there have been women who have been saying, "I am feeling nervous about my job and I'm not going for promotions," but hilariously the one woman who said that got a promotion last week. One woman on our last cohort, she's been unemployed for almost 18 months. At first after she had her first kid, she took time off to be with her baby and then she started to get back into the workforce and was having a hard time interviewing, was having a hard time getting her footing. She went through Rise Up, we did some one-on-one job search coaching and just a couple of weeks ago, just a couple of weeks ago so amidst the conversations about recessions and layoffs and tech and all of these things, she landed a role for 175k salary.

So yes, no reaction is wrong. And the truth is you still have choice, you still have agency, especially in tech. So the companies that are laying on for the people who are hiring rapidly without a real plan of who they were strategically hiring for. So for the companies that are well positioned and honestly are going to serve as resources if there is a recession, they are still hiring and they are having a hard time filling their pipeline. So if you're feeling like you want to go back to that comfort zone, there's no wrong answer here. You can go to that comfort zone so that you feel safe, so that you feel like your family is taken care of and invest in yourself to really get to a place of alignment where you're doing the things you want to do, you're getting paid appropriately and you don't feel like you have to overcompensate for fear of what's going on in the economy. Does that make sense, that resonate with you?

Rachel Murray: I mean, I think it makes sense.

Emma B.F: We work together.

Rachel Murray: No, I think it's really helpful. And I think about, and I think we've talked about this before too, is this idea of work serves a purpose, but then there's outside of work. Because I think sometimes we think that our work has to have meaning it has to be our lives, it has to be this sort of... And granted, we do spend a lot of our waking hours working if we are in those more traditional types of roles. And I would just be curious like, do you encourage folks to sort of think about what to do outside of work? And I hate the phrase work life balance, but whatever, things outside of work, what does that look like?

Emma B.F: I believe that is actually the way to accelerate your career.

Rachel Murray: Say more.

Emma B.F: To take care of yourself, to have a hobby, to spend time with friends and family. I mean, that's, I think, part of what created so much isolation and so much fear during the pandemic that is now heading back into the recession because as COVID kind of is swinging back up, there are people who are going back into lockdown and my invitation for you is how do you want to do this differently? How do you want to handle this dip in the economy or in your social life or anything differently? Because the truth is you have every resource available to you to be able to do things differently. And I do not mean paid resources, right? Every day I use this free YouTube channel to do some of the energy clearing work that I teach and Rise Up for myself. And guess what? It is for frizzle.

Rachel Murray: F-R-I-Z-Z-L-E?

Emma B.F: Yes, indeed. And it's really from my Jewish hair that has frizz beyond belief and the whole shebang. So yeah, Rach, I believe it's not even an option, it is the path. And that's what we focus so intentionally on and Rise Up is to say every single call you are being gifted a mindfulness tool that if you're open to trying something different, because in my experience a lot of the women who step into the program are either just sick and tired of being sick and tired or they know they want something else for their career, they know they want something else in their life and they don't really know what it is or how to get there. But these conversations speak to them. The testimonials from the folks who have gone through the program speaks to them and they take a risk and bet on themselves and invest in themselves so that they create these shifts and the tools that people say over and over are the most valuable out of the program are part professional development and part personal growth.

So the breathing exercises, the energy work, the visualization, the tools that are often discredited, because guess what? Mostly women are doing them. It's so interesting to me in the leadership development space how it's like the tools, the how-to guides, they're from a very masculine energy place. And the ones that are more feminine are the ones that are less than and soft skills and intangible when in truth, they're the most transformational. And it's just kind of one of these, I was just reading this book by this woman who's a self-made multi-millionaire business owner coach, as she talks about how she learned about this thing called the witch wound. Have you've heard of this before?

Rachel Murray: No, but I'm into it, go on.

Emma B.F: I've never heard of it before, but it's this fear that women often face when we're about to put ourselves out there when we're about to speak up in a meeting or we're about to go and speak on stage and there's this fear and there's this what we call imposter syndrome when in fact like it is this fear of being seen in our power and in our greatness, right? Because throughout history, those women have been labeled as wishes and they have been burned. And so of course we have this fear, of course we have doubt, of course we want to stay safe and be in our comfort zone. And it's my profound wish that we learn there is another way. And for me, I've never talked about that in a public setting before about the witch room because I just read the book, I'm like-

Rachel Murray: I'm so glad that you did because well, I can't even share all the wild information woo woo stuff that I got recently, but it is related to that. But not in a woo way, in a very serious way, there is all of that. And there is literally women have typically been taught throughout their childhood and up to not use your voice, not even not to use your voice, but to be perfect, right? To me, that's the thing that is also like ooft, boy, if I say something that's wrong or that maybe will upset someone or that's just like something that I shouldn't have said, I am going to get in trouble. And whether what in trouble means is it could mean that I'm discredited in some way I am laughed at.

Emma B.F: I'm not going to be invited back to the playground.

Rachel Murray: Exactly. So many things, my teacher won't like me, which ends up translating to my boss won't like me, if I say-

Emma B.F: I'll fail my family.

Rachel Murray: Oh, yep, yeah. So yeah, there's so much fear that just, I think, lives within us to actually speak up is something that I've been working on. So it's really hard. It's hard.

Emma B.F: It's hard. And we think the-

Rachel Murray: To remove.

Emma B.F: Yes. And to add to that, I think from that place, we believe that the answer is complicated when the answer is quite simple, is trust yourself, bet on yourself. And I would not say this if it was not true, there is not one person who has gone through the entirety of Rise Up, shown up to the calls, followed the modules who did not experience growth. There's literally not one person who showed up and put in the work that did not give this program a four out of five or a five out of five. There literally isn't one person. And that is not coming from a space of ego because I'll be honest, I'm surprised. Programs are not meant to be everything to everyone. And if somebody says it doesn't work for them, that's okay. But if you show up and you put in the work which isn't even that much, you-

Rachel Murray: It's hard though, but it's hard, right? And I think you make a really good point because I think that there are people who this program is definitely not right for. And whether that is who that person is in whatever way they show up or if it's that it's just not the right time for them. It is hard. I mean it's not that it's a lot of work and that it's like, "Ugh, I got all this homework," and stuff, but it's a lot of emotional work to actually move forward in your personal growth and put yourself out there when we haven't been conditioned to do so. But what I appreciate about this program is that you do create a really fun and inviting space. And as anyone who knows the She Geeks Out community, we are all about embracing your awkward and being nerdy and like, and uncomfortable and being like, "Cool, you're uncomfortable."

So I will share with you a quick story. So I used to hate karaoke, now I'm like the biggest fan of karaoke and Emma, you know my lovely husband who is obviously the karaoke king. And so I would always go and support and be like, "Good for you," and certainly judge all the other karaoke people like, "Oh, you're really good," you're not great. Whatever, because that's who I was back then, old me. New me found an opportunity to sing my favorite... Well, I shouldn't say, actually is not my current favorite karaoke song, but it was like the song that I kind of always wanted to sing, which is wait for it, Wilson Phillips, Hold On. Yeah, so I sang that and I would like to note for the record, I sang it horribly in front of three people.

Emma B.F: Not perfectly at all.

Rachel Murray: In front of three people... Exactly. In one of those small rooms. And I got the bug. I was like, "This is amazing." Now I have a whole karaoke playlist because I love so many songs. I've always loved to sing at home, but never in front of people, right? It's terrifying. Now it is my goal to anytime I hear someone say, "Oh I don't like karaoke," I'm like, "You're coming with me. You're coming with me. You are going to hear how bad I sing and I'm going to sing songs that you're going to want to sing along with. And I guarantee you," and this has happened to me many a time with people that we both know, I won't name names, but we know them, they have joined by the end of the night with the microphone blasting away, never did it before. And I'm like, this might be my purpose in life. I don't know. But, using your voice and being bad at it will allow other people to also be bad at things, which is great.

Emma B.F: Rachel Murray, you just described leadership.

Rachel Murray: Yes. I am a karaoke leader.

Emma B.F: Which to your point, how did it make you feel to have gone through your own hurdle, overcome your own hurdle and then turn around and be like, "Yeah, you got this. I know it's scary. I know it's terrifying-"

Rachel Murray: I was the one.

Emma B.F: Right. And, look, I didn't die.

Rachel Murray: Yeah. Not only did I not die, I had so much fun I had to bring other people. I'm like, "You need to witness this."

Emma B.F: Boom. That's what's available. I mean every single week, Rach, we're not doing karaoke although now you're in my head and I'm like-

Rachel Murray: I know, I know.

Emma B.F: Rise Up retreat, 2023, that's what we're talking about, we're about to do karaoke.

Rachel Murray: I'll be there. Can I be guest karaoke leader?

Emma B.F: I know you'll be the leader for that part, I'll do the retreat. And to say that when there's an experience created for you where you can step outside your comfort zone and discover a new part of yourself, then it's going to ripple out into all areas of your life, including your work, including you going into a negotiation or a job interview or whatever it is because you've given yourself permission to be supported in that growth.

Because that's the other truth that especially as people are worried about an economic downturn and layoffs and all these things is again the BS belief that you have to do it alone and that you should know how to do it alone. But guess what? We talk about misogyny and the patriarchy and racism and all of the systems of oppression that continue to reinforce a BS belief that you are in this alone where the truth is the power is in community and the power is in collaboration and the power is in communing with other women, folks of color, anybody so that you break through it.

And so that's the other truth is could you go through this economic downturn, fear by yourself and figure it out on your own? Maybe, but is that what you've tried before and has it been working for you and do you want to give yourself a shot to try to do things differently in community with the most kindhearted, awkward and inclusive, not from a lip service place, not from a place of, "Ooh, we support..." We don't even talk about that in Rise Up. We're just like show up as you are. I do onboarding calls with every single person who steps into this program and I stay in every single onboarding call show up as you are. If you've had a really hard day at work and all you can do is sit on the couch and be off camera then I invite you to do that because that in and of itself is a practice.

And one woman in particular, who I am now deep friends with, she's a Black woman in tech and she came to meetings being off video. And it was in her off boarding call, her debrief call, she said it was a big turning point for her because it was the first time that she had given herself permission to not show up fully makeup, hair done, dress. And that changed how she showed up at work. And she and I went in person to a conference together and she did not have her nails done and she was dressed more casually and I was shocked. I was like, "Oh my gosh, wow. How do you feel?" And just to see her be comfortable in her own skin, I mean that in and of itself is an act of revolution.

Rachel Murray: Yes, yes. I love that and it reminds me of something I will never forget. This happened probably 10 years ago now I was taking a yoga class with the one of my favorite yoga teachers in Boston. And I'll just never forget at the beginning of class, she said she always has these wonderful long intros and that day she was like, "You know what? This class is yours to do with what you will. I will share poses that you all can do, you can do them or not. And I will say, if you want, you can be in Shavasana the entire class. And I guarantee you, that will be the hardest thing that you would have done in this class, because you are doing something different than everyone else in the class. You are literally laying down for, whatever, 90 minutes while everyone else around you is actively moving in unison." And that breakaway too, I think about that so much. By the way, I did not stay in Shavasana, I was not that type.

Emma B.F: I appreciate your honesty.

Rachel Murray: But I think about that a lot. It's a lot to say, "Okay, I'm going to just rest and be different from others and it's going to be okay."

Emma B.F: Yes. Oh my gosh, it's going to be okay. I mean, Rach, that's something, one of our alum from the She Geeks Out community, Cara, she joined an alumni panel that were going to be re-sharing the recording too. And she talked about that. She talked about how she stepped into Rise Up and she was nervous because she had had bad experiences with leadership development courses in the past. And she said on the first call in Rise Up, she felt like she was going to be okay. And that is psychological safety, that is inclusion, that is sense of belonging that it's hard to market that and have people trust it and believe it, which is fair, I don't think you should be trusting everybody out here that they create psychological safety and are inclusive and belonging. Those are fair and that's why we are inviting you all to be in this energy with us and to go read the testimonials of the program and watch the recording of the alumni panel Q&A so that you have the information you need to be able to make a decision that's right for you.

And it may be this cohort and it may not, and this may not be the program, but the goal is that you feel aligned and you can still have fear and you can still have doubt and you can still have anxiety and nerves, but what's right underneath that is imagine yourself in this program within this type of energy, with this type of group of women, does that feel expansive to you? Or does that feel like that's the last thing I want to do? And then make a decision from that place, trust that. And if it means you're taking a risk and investing in yourself more than you ever have before, but the feeling is expansive, then the results will be expansive.

Rachel Murray: Yeah, right on. I agree, I agree. And yeah, yes, plus one to all of it. I got nothing else. I don't got no more stories.

Emma B.F: You got no more stories, which is fair because it's we could sit here and talk for hours

Rachel Murray: Literally, but I will invite you to, is there anything else you want to share before we wrap this puppy up?

Emma B.F: I'll check in with myself. I think the only thing to remember is that you don't have to know that this program is going to work for you because you can't know. So if you're one of those folks, and I love the SGO community, because they're you all are so you focus, you're clear.

Rachel Murray: Want the data.

Emma B.F: Want some guaranteed results, exactly. And I mean, this is literally what everybody who joined that cohort or that alumni call they're all from the SGO community and they all said it. You're not going to know. So let me validate that, that's okay. And know that our cohort is kicking off September 20th, 2022. Our group calls are going to be Tuesdays from 12 to 1:15 PM Eastern time. And we've got your back. So trust yourself. I'm glad I'm complete.

Rachel Murray: Trust yourself and treat yourself.

Emma B.F: And don't let this recession hold you back.

Rachel Murray: Yeah, because I mean, there's also a lot of stuff out there that's a lot of good news too on the economic front. So it's not all doom and gloom, that's true. I think sometimes people like to freak out. Thank you so much, Emma B.F. As always the light and the joy.

Emma B.F: Thank you, Rachel.

Rachel Murray: Thank you so much the LinkedIn community, you know where to find us, we'll share all the linky links. If you need to message either of us, you now have our information so feel free to LinkedIn connect, message, all that good stuff and we will see you on the internet soon, bye.

Emma B.F: Bye.

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